Ways to Better Sex life in Marriage
Friday, March 20, 2009 at 7:54PM
Ways to Better Sex life in Marriage
Are you looking for a surefire way to better sex? There are so many factors that can impact your libido, so finding an answer may take some patience. However, help is available if you seek it.
Consult the experts
Because sexuality is such a complex combination of physical and psychological responses to stimuli, you may need to enlist the help of more than one kind of health professional to help solve intimacy problems. Your doctor can determine if there are any underlying medical causes of sexual dysfunction. He or she also can direct you to other healthcare professionals who may be able to help, such as counselors or therapists.
If you're simply looking for ways to spice up your routine or boost your sexual energy levels, here are simple ways to maximize your sexual health.
1. Live healthfully: Eat a balanced and varied diet, get plenty of rest, and exercise regularly. Because sexuality is a component of good health, a healthy body can lead to a better sex life, so taking good care of your body is the first step. In fact, regular exercise may be one of the most important keys to healthy sexual function. Research suggests that people who exercise regularly have increased blood flow throughout their bodies, including to the genital area, which may help improve sex drive.
2. Turn off the tube.
And turn on your partner! Take an active role in your evening entertainment by skipping a night of television to make time for physical intimacy. TV viewing could be getting in the way of your love life in more ways than one: research suggests that it is associated with increased prevalence of erectile dysfunction.
3. Skip the music and candlelight.
If it's romance you're after, try watching a heart-pumping action adventure flick, laughing your head off at a comedy club, or even doing some aerobic exercise. Research has shown that anything that arouses, rather than suppresses, the nervous system—that is, anything that hikes your heart rate and works your cardiovascular system—can significantly enhance sexual response.
4. Pick the perfect time.
It's not just a matter of making time for lovemaking, but rather choosing the best time. Research pinpoints the days when you are more likely to have better sex and better orgasms. According to a study, women have better, more frequent orgasms during days after t6 heir menstrual cycle, which may mean a more enriched experience for both partners. The exact time of day makes no difference; sex hormones are fairly consistent over the course of a day.
5. Focus on amorous olfactory.
Need help relaxing? Try lavender-scented oils, sachets, and lotions to help you or your partner unwind and get in the mood. Studies suggest that the smell of lavender may increase feelings of relaxation and reduce mental stress in some people. However, certain scents inspire different reactions in different people, so experiment until you find the one that works for you.
6. Open up.
Be sure to keep communication lines open. Sharing your thoughts and ideas will help you and your partner understand and respect each other's likes, dislikes, moods, and desires. It also will help provide an atmosphere conducive to problem solving.
7. Put it in Prayer. Ask God to Bless your marriage. Have him be the center of your marriage. And enjoy each other in positive ways, stimulate each other spiritaully, the rest will come.
How To Be A Good Husband--13 Steps
Friday, March 20, 2009 at 7:44PM
First, I would like to mention that each item listed below are not in any particular order. They are all essential elements to being a good husband.
1. Pay attention to your woman. This means, undivided attention. Include eye contact and verbal prompts to let her know you are listening.
2. Be a good listener. That means actually hear what she is saying, because she may bring the topic up again. In addition, if the topic is about you, you need to see if you can fix/solve whatever problem/issue she is referring to.
3. Pamper your woman. By pampering I mean running her bath water (you may bath her, but some women don't like to be wasted), pay for her nails and hair to be done. (These are only some examples, creativity is the key.)
4. Write small notes and leave them in common areas where she will see them. The notes should be compliments or cute messages to her (ie. I love you, you are beautiful, have a nice day, etc.). You can also send text messages that will have the same effect. Love letters are great. And if you have that artistic side, write poems.
5. Buy her gifts. The size and cost of the gifts aren't important components, unless she is materialistic. But random gifts are attention getting agents, which show her that you care and love her. In addition, it will make her feel special and appreciated.
6. Take your woman out. Each woman is different as to what she likes, but some examples would be: dinner, lounge, dancing, movies, museums, festivals, etc.
7. Cook for your woman. Generally speaking the woman does majority of the cooking, if not all. So, sometimes it would be a relief as well as a surprise to cook for her. You don't have to be a chef, you could make simple meals like breakfast in bed, or meals that are already made that just need to be heated. However, if you use meals that are already made, I would suggest that you make the dining table and light some candles to make it more romantic or appealing.
8. You should participate in the house duties. However, only do what you are capable of, don't do something that you are going to mess up. Some easy duties would be vacuuming, dishing, or taking out the trash. Try to make these things a regular routine, so that she doesn't have to do them.
9. **THIS IS A BIG ONE** Avoid looking at other women in front of your woman. This is commonly perceived as disrespect. Plus, it's can affect her self-esteem or self-image. She may think that she's not appealing to you. To assist yourself in this action, don't look at other women when your woman is not around. This allows you to get in the practice of not looking. It is common for men to look out of habit.
10. *THIS IS ANOTHER BIG ONE* Control your inner urges. Be self-disciplined and able to retrain your inner feelings for action. Your hormones. This will help from you not getting upset and showing it, when she isn't in the mood. Which in turn will avoid conflict.
11. As a man you should be able to admit when you're wrong. This should be self-explanatory.
12. You should be committed to resolving differences. Solutions to problems helps to keep peace. If problems aren't resolved, then they will keep arising as an issue for discussion/argument.
13, Finally, remember that love is a series of actions such as: patience, tolerance, endurance, sacrifice, etc. Love also gives off a by--product or side--effect which is an emotional feeling. Many people mistaken the side--effect/ emotional feeling as love. For further definitions of love, refer to your spiritual or religious manuals/books (ie. bible).
In closing, I believe that if you apply these simple 13 elements to your relationship, you will be a great husband or boyfriend. Love is the most important element, because when you love someone it will be easier to implement the other elements. Thanks for reading and I wish you the best.
7 Tips For Being A Better Husband
Friday, March 20, 2009 at 7:40PM
Tips For Being A Better Husband
How To Be A Good Husband
Be a team player. When you were single, you could focus on your needs entirely. Now that you're in a partnership, that just isn't going to work. Sometimes you have to think about the family and the marriage before you think about yourself.
Remember that a marriage is a complicated thing. Being a good husband spans a lot of territory. Sure, you need to support your family financially and raise your children with love and concern. These are two of the givens of being a good husband. But these aren't the only duties of being a good husband.
When you talk about the interpersonal dynamics of a man/wife relationship, a lot of these dynamics involve how we communicate with one another. We send both intentional and unintentional signals to our spouse through our interpersonal communications. So a large part of being a good husband in this context is showing we are a part of the team, supporting our teammate while communicating when we need support in our turn.
In sports parlance, it's called "being a good teammate" or "being a good locker room presence".
1. Be Her Sounding Board
When your wife tells you her problems, she isn't necessarily looking for a problem solver. She wants someone to listen to her and empathize with what's going on in her life.
A husband who hears about his wife's problems instinctively wants to come to the rescue. But most of the time, this isn't what your wife is looking for. You need to fill the role more of a psychologist than that of a troubleshooter. Listen to her problems; show concern for those problems; show that you have empathy; but don't always reply with "here's what you need to do."
When your wife comes to you with her problems, she isn't looking for you to be her lawyer. And she certainly doesn't need you to be her football coach, giving her fiery motivational speeches about how to beat her problem. She wants a counsellor, to listen to her problems and help her deal with their emotional impact.
2. Show Respect
A good exercise for every husband is to try to show your wife respect. This dovetails with my previous point, but goes beyond that specific situation.
A major part of showing respect is to avoid the trap of being hyper-critical. Don't criticize the way your wife dresses, cooks meals, parks the car or walks the dog. You might think you are instructing your wife, but you are actually showing disrespect for the decisions you make.
Actions are just as important as words. Don't make decisions that normally a married couple makes together. This shows you have no respect for her opinion.
Also, try to avoid certain intonations with your wife, the kind that can be described as "talking down" to her. A woman can pick up on these as well or better than a man can. These tell her you have contempt for whatever is she's doing, that you are treating her like a child or even your pet. Showing a lack of respect is one of the surest ways to poison a marriage.
3. Avoid Judgment
When you live with someone every day, it's hard not to build up resentments and overanalyze your partner's every move. But no one is going to stand up to that level of scrutiny. Try not to sweat the little stuff, because it has a way of becoming big rather quickly. If you judge every action or opinion your wife has, that's going to come through in your words and actions.
Your wife is different from you. Of course she isn't going to perceive things the way you do. She's had different life experiences than you, not the least of which is the general experience of living life as a woman. She won't always like what you like. She won't behave like a man does. Apart from sexual needs and having children, that's one of the reasons men get into a relationship. We feel the need for a woman's companionship.
4. Don't Bring Your Own Issues Into the Marriage
As I mentioned earlier, being in a marriage is being part of a team. This means you sometimes have to put your wants or needs second to those of the team.
All of us have emotional baggage. When we marry, we bring that emotional baggage into the marriage. But when your wife comes to you for support, that isn't the time to open up that emotional baggage. There are times when you can unload this stuff on your wife, but not when she needs your support.
It's common for a man to internalize all her problems and make them our own. But if you do this, you are losing sight of why she confided in you in the first place. Don't be selfish when you are supposed to be supportive. I mean, all of us tend to process information through our own filter. But that doesn't mean our opinions are always useful to the problem.
5. Know When to Make it About You
Of course, it can't always be about her or the marriage. There are times when your needs should be met. That's the definition of a give-and-take partnership, which is what a marriage should be about.
Tell her how you feel, but don't put her in a defensive position. This means you describe to her how something she does affects you without making your feelings accusatory. When you talk about issues in your marriage, tell her about how it affects you instead of what it is about her that bothers you. Good communication is one of the keys of a healthy marriage; good communication requires you to tell her how you are affected.
If your wife does something that hurts you, tell her exactly that you are hurt. Don't focus on her actions, but on the consequences of those actions. If you simply accuse her of undermining you or being insensitive, it automatically puts her on the defensive. When she's defensive about her actions, good communication becomes all but impossible.
6. Be Affectionate
I know guys don't like being cuddly. Being affectionate after sex takes time and it doesn't make us feel manly, but women need affection sometimes. If you only give them that stuff to get to bed, your wife is going to notice and think it's insincere.
Of course, this goes beyond the bedroom. If you show your wife spontaneous affection occasionally, it reassures her of the love bond.
7. Be Willing to Get Outside Help
There's the common joke about men refusing to ask for directions. Men throughout history have needed to be self-sufficient. That's one of the characteristics which make men successful. When we were out in the wilderness hunting for food, we couldn't stop at the convenience store to ask where the herd was.
That being said, self-reliance can only take us so far. A smart man has to realise when he can't do it all himself. One of those cases is the man whose marriage is in trouble. It's very standard for a man to refuse to go to a marriage counselor.
A man would prefer to buy a map than ask for directions. In the same way, he would rather read how-to guides on how to save his marriage than ask for professional help. In a lot of cases, getting good advice is enough. Modifying our attitudes and the subsequent behaviors those attitudes cause can have profound effects on a failing marriage. But sometimes the problems run deeper. That's when a man has to give into his wife's request that they speak to a counselor.
Professional marriage counselors help to reinforce the points I've made above. They are instructors in how to listen, how to show respect, how to avoid judgment, how to be a part of the team, how to express our feelings and how to be more affectionate. In short, when a man finds that his best efforts to improve his marriage skills fail, he needs a trained instructor to work on those skills.
How To Be A Good Dad - 10 Things My Father Taught Me
Friday, March 20, 2009 at 7:36PM
How To Be A Good Dad - 10 Things My Father Taught Me
Posted by Jason
It seems like these days it's hard to find someone saying good things about their father. I don't know if the overall quality of fathering is going down, if people don't appreciate their father as much, or if people just talk about it more these days, but almost every time you hear about someone's father, it's in a negative light.
Well, I'm here to tell you that my dad is great. I really couldn't ask for a better father than the one I got... sure we had a few disagreements, and there are a couple of areas where I wish he would have pushed me, but overall I don't think there is a better dad available.
So, now that I'm a father myself, I have a lot of good stuff to look back on for lessons on how I should be a dad to my kids. The most important thing about being a good dad is that it's about BEing a good dad... it's who you are, not what you do. The things listed below are things a good dad should be, things that I learned not from my dad telling me, but from watching who he was (and is).
Here we go, then, with 10 things my father taught me about how to be a good dad:
1.
Be Calm
Kids will always do things to provoke you, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. A good dad should keep his temper, not yelling or screaming, or throwing huge punishments for a minor offense just because he's angry. After all, you don't really want to teach your kids to do those things, do you?
2.
Be Loving
It's important to remind your kids that you love them. This includes telling them that you love them, but also other things, like being supportive when they need it, wiping away tears, and hugging them... no matter how big they get. Showing you love them is just as important as telling them that you love them... but don't forget to tell them, too.
3.
Be Patient
Sometimes you may wish your kids would just get around to learning something already, or that they would finally be responsible and take care of their chores without having to be reminded 143 times. It's at these times that you need to be patient and remember that kids are kids... give them time, give them your patience. They are worth it.
4.
Be Proud
It's sort of a cliche that fathers are proud of their children... but a lot of fathers don't realize how important it is to actually tell their kids, not just their friends and coworkers! Your kids need to know that you're proud of them... and the things that they do that you show them you're proud of are the things they will try to do again. If you show them that you are proud of their good grades, they will try to get good grades... if you show them that you are proud of them being a good person, or good with their siblings, or something else, they will do whatever it is that made you proud again (or at least try).
5.
Be Honest
It's important to be honest with your children. It's important to be honest in general, really, but your kids will learn from you... and you want them to be honest, presumably. If you don't want your children to know about something, whether because it's inappropriate for them or for other reasons, tell them that... don't just lie to cover it up.
6.
Be Firm
When you set rules, make them stick. If they are supposed to be home by 8:00, and they walk in the door at 8:07, they need to be punished, barring extenuating circumstances... and there shouldn't ALWAYS be extenuating circumstances. On the other hand, don't be unbendable... let them have a little freedom, and give them a break if the rule break is an exception, rather than the rule.
7.
Be Yourself
It's important to be yourself around your children. Some people are completely different people around their children than they are around other people. Your children WILL see this, and it will have two negative effects: it will erode their trust in you (You ARE being deceitful after all... you can't honestly be two different people), and it will teach them that this is appropriate behavior for them as well. You may find this second part affects you directly... they may be an entirely different person in front of you than they are around their friends.
8.
Be Father First, Friend Second
It is awesome to not only be a parent, but also a friend to your child. You need to remember which one comes first, however. Kids need a dad more than they need a friend, and you're the best option for that... and if you won't be a father to them, they'll be looking for that influence elsewhere.
9.
Be Respectful
It's very important to teach your children to respect you... but it's also very important that you respect them. This means giving them room to grow and learn, it means talking to them as an equal (when you can... it's not appropriate when setting rules or punishment, for example), and treating them as their own individual person. It means respecting their decisions when you can, even if it's not what you would have done, or not what you think is best for them. That doesn't mean don't give advice... just accept that sometimes they need to make their own way. It's the only way they'll ever grow up mentally and emotionally.
10.
Be There
This could be a whole article by itself... and who knows, at some point it may be! For this article, however, I'll keep it simple: Children need a father. They need a father who is in their life, who pays attention to them, who is interested in them, who does things with them, and asks about them. Time without attention, like in a marriage, is worse than no time at all. Show them that they are important to you... give them your time AND attention.
That certainly doesn't cover everything involved in being a good father... but it's a pretty good start. If you do the things above, or rather if you can be the things above, you will be well along the path to being a good father. On the other hand, just because you fail at something from time to time (ie fail to be calm... probably the easiest one to fail), that doesn't mean that you're NOT a good dad... you can pick yourself up and get back to it.
I have to say there IS one thing I learned for myself, though, something he couldn't have told me even if he'd wanted to do so, and that's just how good it feels. I love being a dad... it's one of the most fun and fulfilling things I have ever done, and it will make a lasting impact on both my kids and everyone they touch later in life. There is no way that he could have conveyed just how rewarding it is.
He's doing a bit better on conveying how much fun it is to be a grandpa, but I think I'd be happy to wait a while before experiencing that for myself ;)
SI QUIERES SER UN BUEN PADRE, SÉ UN BUEN ESPOSO
Friday, March 20, 2009 at 7:34PM
SI QUIERES SER UN BUEN PADRE, SÉ UN BUEN ESPOSO
En el último libro del italiano Piero Ferruci, "Nuestros maestros los niños" él dice:
- "Ha hecho falta tiempo, pero al final me he dado cuenta: la relación con mis hijos pasa a través de la relación con mi mujer. No puedo tener con ellos una buena relación si mi relación con ella no es buena".
La experiencia clínica de Ferruci le ha demostrado que "cada ser humano es el resultado de la relación entre dos individuos: su padre y su madre. Y esa relación sigue viviendo dentro de cada uno como una armonía bellísima o como una laceración dolorosa. La relación entre nuestros progenitores -dice Ferruci- nos constituye en lo que somos. Un niño siente con todo su ser la relación entre sus progenitores, sea cual sea, la siente en sí mismo. Si la relación está envenenada, el veneno circulará por su organismo. Si la atmósfera no es armoniosa, crecerá en la disonancia. Si está llena de ansias e inseguridades, también su futuro será incierto".
La conclusión entonces parece clara: si quieres ser un buen padre, sé un gran marido. Si quieres ser una buena madre, sé una gran compañera para tu marido. Esto que parece simple, en la práctica no lo es. ¿Por qué? Ferruci responde en primera persona, con gran humildad:
- "A veces he olvidado esta realidad. He tenido demasiada confianza. Sabiendo que nuestra relación va bien, la he dejado allí". Abandonada la relación a su propia suerte, pronto aparecen los disgustos, las recriminaciones.
Cuando un matrimonio reacciona a tiempo y recupera lo bello de su amor, los primeros en darse cuenta son los hijos. Y cuenta su propia experiencia, después de una temporada en que, obsesionado por escribir sus libros, comenzó a levantarse a las 5 de la mañana y a pasar el día rabiando por el ruido y las interrupciones:
- "Comencé a sentirme deprimido, algo no andaba bien. Al fin comprendí lo que sabía pero no quería admitir. El orden de mis prioridades estaba equivocado.
Decidí devolver a mi mujer, un marido que no se cayera de sueño. Después ocurrió algo sutil y sorprendente. Mejoró la relación entre nosotros. No es que fuese una relación mala, pero había algo que no me gustaba. A menudo yo era descortés con ella y hablaba conmigo como si mi esposa no existiera; la ignoraba como el machista más encallecido. Después lo he entendido: Era mi actitud hacia mi esposa; ella yo quien la transformaba en una sombra. Por fortuna me di cuenta a tiempo".
¿Cómo mantener y mejorar constantemente la relación conyugal? Este autor italiano es un gran romántico y cree que la fuente de amor para los esposos radica en el recuerdo de sus mejores momentos.
- "Al contrario de lo que muchos piensan, yo creo que el hecho de enamorarse es el instante más auténtico de la relación entre dos personas; es cuando ellas ven que todas las posibilidades se abren ante ellas, cuando tocan la esencia y belleza del amor. Ante los ojos de mi mente desfilan nuestros momentos más luminosos: el primer paseo juntos, la decisión de casarnos una tarde en un día de lluvia. Todo eso es el origen, la fuente: el lugar en que todo va bien y es perfecto. Resulta positivo regresar de vez en cuando a los orígenes y beber de aquella fuente de agua pura".
Tomado de: Nuestros maestros los niños de Piero Ferruci