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Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons: "I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!" "I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!" "But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!" Paolo, his friend asks: "What's a Sports Mechanic?" Lorenzo replies: "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da boxin matcha......."

A blind man walks into a store with his Seeing Eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Two snakes were out taking a stroll when the son snake turns to the mother snake and asks: "Mommy! Are we poisonous?" "Why, yes we are", says the second. Again the baby snake asks, "Are you sure we're poisonous?" "Yes, we are very poisonous." The baby snake becomes very upset. Again, he asks, "Are we really really poisonous?" "Yes we are really really poisonous. In fact we're the most poisonous snakes in the world. Why do you ask?" "I just bit my lip!!!"

There once was 3 fish (the mom,dad,son) who needed a place to sleep. The mom slept in the kitchen sink. The dad slept in the the bathtub. The son slept in the toilet. The next morning the dad asked the mom how her night was. "Okay, but it was a little too small, said the mom" The mom asked the dad how his night was. "Just fine. There was a lot of room to swim," said the dad. The dad asked his son how his night was. "Horrible!!", said the son. It was raining scat and logs all night long!!"

One day a blonde was having trouble with her computer, so she calls tech support. "Hello how can I help you?," the tech support woman says. "Yes, I am having trouble getting my computer to do anything," the blonde says. "What window do you have open?" "Are you crazy! it's freezing cold outside!"