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Dramas-Skits
Dramas-Skits None of Your Business Skit
Tuesday, March 31, 2009 at 11:46AM
None of Your Business
(SPECTATOR#1 seated in chair facing audience, eating popcorn from a theater bag, laughing, slapping leg, watching something hilarious -- this should go on for about 60 seconds or a little more, with her being intent, listening, leaning forward, then bursting into idiotic laughter, slapping her knees, then back to listening intently, gobbling popcorn -- she needs to give the impression that she's at the theater watching a great funny movie, and can't help herself from laughing even though she is heroically attempting to stifle her giggles)
SPECTATOR #1:
Oh this is the best one yet! Oh, I need this, I need this!
SPECTATOR #2:
(arriving, starting off in whisper, helps himself to popcorn) Hey! Have I missed anything?
SPECTATOR #1:
Oh it’s great!
SPECTATOR #2:
But what about my money? Huh? Have I won yet?
SPECTATOR #1:
(a little miffed) Oh just sit down and enjoy the show. Do you have to wreck everything?
SPECTATOR #2:
Come on! Come on! Just tell me what I’ve missed!
SPECTATOR #1:
Oh all right, already! He’s quoted from the Rocky Mountain News two times, from the Denver Post at least three times, and from Time and Newsweek…
SPECTATOR #2:
Hah! You owe me, baby, now cough up the BUCKS!
SPECTATOR #1:
Oh alright, I don’t suppose he’s going to pull a quote out of the Bible with five minutes to go in the sermon. Here! (throws money at SPECTATOR #2)
SPECTATOR #2:
(munching popcorn) Ooh-HOOO! I love church. I could get rich in this joint! So anything else exciting? Has Elder Crumpkins fallen asleep yet?
SPECTATOR #1:
Oh yeah. He even started snoring. But that’s the repeat. Look at what’s MORE interesting… (pointing)
SPECTATOR #2:
What? I can’t see what you’re talking about.
SPECTATOR #1:
Over THERE! Bob Slobkins.
SPECTATOR #2:
Man! I see what ya mean! That’s SOME RUG. He must of traded in the Cadillac for that roadkill.
SPECTATOR #1:
(looking to a new location) OH NOW THAT IS REALLY DISGUSTING!
SPECTATOR #2:
What? What now? What are you looking at?
SPECTATOR #1:
Look at HER! That disgusting Louisa AGAIN. Look how SHORT that skirt is!
SPECTATOR #2:
(eyes bugging out) Whoa. (pause, staring) Whew. (pause, staring) Wow. (pause) WOW.
SPECTATOR #1:
(snarling at SPECTATOR #2, smacks him on the forehead) Put your eyes back in your head!
SPECTATOR #2:
WHAT! Hey! No -- no! I was just, you know -- hey, I was looking at her JUDGMENTALLY! Yeah! I mean, I was just thinking about how HOT hell is going to be for someone like her…
SPECTATOR #1:
Yeah, I BET that’s what you were thinking!
SPECTATOR #2:
(sees opportunity to divert her attention) OH LOOK AT THAT. Mrs. Mulligan.
SPECTATOR #1:
Yeah, so what about her?
SPECTATOR #2:
Hey, if she’s in HERE, in the Sanctuary, who do you think is watching the potluck goodies downstairs…?
SPECTATOR #1:
(lightbulb popping off in head) Oh, hey…
SPECTATOR #2:
So . . . you like, HUNGRY?
SPECTATOR #1:
Don’t ya just LOVE church?
SPECTATOR #2:
Hey, I look forward to this fun ALL week long…!
(they get up and begin to tiptoe out, giggling)
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